All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
