Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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