ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Still dying that you shit outside
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
