be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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