Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
