hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
