I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When are your genitals available?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
