Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
