so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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