"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
