so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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