my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
