Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
