I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
