Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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