If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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