I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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