i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
