I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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