this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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