I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
