I just threw up on my dentist
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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