Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
