On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
