new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
