So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
