How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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