I skipped work to stalk him.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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