she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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