Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
