i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
