should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
