Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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