cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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