ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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