On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
