I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
