before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
