yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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