I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
