wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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