i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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