u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
