am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
