I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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