Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
