I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
