Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."