You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my being single is dangerous.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.