Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.