She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation