Say something about gay babies.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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