$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!