thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog