I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!