That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
