I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
