I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They took my balls.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
