I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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