Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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