I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
