I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
