I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
