Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
