the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
