so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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