U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize