is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
