She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
