My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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