I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
