someone owes me an orgasm
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
