that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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