Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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