i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
