I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
