I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
