It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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