Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
