handjob tips. give me some.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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