someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
