Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
