The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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