I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
